How To Admit and Learn From Your Mistakes as a Leader

Our aim is to ensure that everyone has an excellent learning experience. With this in mind, here are some tools which might help you to achieve this:

Using the NVDA or JAWS screen reader for learners with vision loss.

Using Texthelp Read & Write for learners with dyslexia or other reading difficulties.

Please note that all downloads and links in the module will open in a new tab.

Accessible alternatives

To ensure that everyone has a great learning experience, all the learning and activities are accessible or, where required, are supported by accessible alternatives.

Tough Leadership Conversations:  How To Admit and Learn From Your Mistakes as a Leader (download transcript)

Adam Lacey

Welcome to the Tough Leadership Conversations series. I'm Adam, the co-founder of Assemble You, the audio learning experts, and I'm joined by Ruth Farenga, Executive Leadership Coach, TEDx speaker, host of the Conscious Leaders podcast and author of the brilliant Next Level Leadership. Together, we'll examine how to navigate some of the most challenging workplace discussions.

Think pay rise requests, performance reviews, managing managers, dealing with divergent views, and talking about mental health. Unclear communication can lead to an erosion of trust, staff absenteeism, a breakdown of relationships and a decline in performance, so getting these tricky conversations right is absolutely essential.

This series is as much about reflecting inward as a leader as it is about your day-to-day management practices and techniques. In this series, we'll discuss approaching situations with a positive intention. Fundamentally, we get the most out of individuals when we concentrate on what's working rather than what we perceive to be broken. So, with that in mind, let's get started.

Okay Ruth, what are we talking about today?

Ruth Farenga

So today we're talking about how to admit and learn from your mistakes as a leader.

Adam Lacey

This is less about how we are dealing with our team and conversations we might be having with them. And this is more an introspective look at ourselves and our own decision-making and behaviours. Is that correct?

Ruth Farenga

Yeah. In part, I think this is really about looking inwards.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. And this one is particularly important in our research. We actually found a piece of research from the University of Buffalo. This was in Forbes, which found leaders are viewed more positively when they admit mistakes, amplify team member capabilities, and demonstrate a willingness to learn—all of which are core to intellectual humility and humble leadership. That one stuck with me because I think we've all probably been in situations where leadership has either done this very well or done this very badly. And I certainly remember whether they've done it very badly and not admitted mistakes or not taken the kind of blame for something or not learned from previous mistakes as well. That's a big one. And, actually, it just makes you feel like, okay, they're not taking this seriously. They're not, you know, this isn't a good kind of fit for where I'm at. If they're not taking this seriously, they're not taking me seriously. They're not taking, you know, my career seriously, etc. So I think this is a really important one as a leader to get right. And we've included it in this tough conversation series because actually it's a tough conversation you got to have with yourself sometimes, isn't it?

Ruth Farenga

Yeah. It's an amazing opportunity to show up, for sure. Really model the behaviour you wanna see in others.

Adam Lacey

Fantastic. Well, let's talk about why this is hard to do to start off with Ruth, and then let's go into like, what should we do? I think you've got a little framework for us as well on this one, which is exciting.

Ruth Farenga

So we've got a framework. Yeah, we love a framework. I mean, I think this is really hard because like many of these topics, this really comes back to fear. You know, if I admit mistakes, are people gonna shame me for them? Am I gonna be ousted from the group? You know, deep down we're really wired to worry about these things. So acknowledging that first and foremost, I think is good, that it can be difficult to admit these mistakes we've made.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. And I guess weakness as a leader is one of those a fragile balance to get right. You know, showing that you're human and you can be vulnerable, but also showing that you've got the ability to push through in difficult situations and that you know you're someone that your team and people you work with can get behind, can rally behind. And yeah, there's an element of you don't want to completely ruin people's confidence in you. But at the same time, you know, you don't want to be belligerent in your approach to things and just ignore the problems and let them and not learn from the mistakes that are made.

Ruth Farenga

Yeah. It's really an opportunity to, like we said, to show up. Like, it's so easy, isn't it, to brush things under the carpet if the people are aware of this thing. It's much better to own up and kind of rectify.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. I think there's a second element here. So A, you've got an optics issue here, potentially. So like, what's this gonna look like? How are people gonna react to it?

Then B, this is a very hard human behaviour to do. It's like looking at our own biases, admitting when we are wrong. We are hardwired to come up almost with another excuse like, “Oh, well this didn't happen and this went wrong.” And actually no, it was just, it was us and that's very difficult to get to. So it's very difficult to be objective about yourself. And we've talked about this quite a few times within various other topics. But that objectivity just personally getting there is very hard as well. So I think this is something we need to practise regularly and I think there's no better time to practise it than when something has gone wrong is being reasonably forensic about why that's happened.

Ruth Farenga

Yeah, and perhaps if I go into this framework, because that's you skipping onto my step two, I think taking a kind of constructive approach to this is really important.

So firstly, I'd really advise that if you've made a mistake, it's really clear, rapidly acknowledge it. Recognise it. So the sooner you kind of get in there and say you are sorry or you messed up, the better.

But what you were talking about there, step two, is really looking at the broader picture. Where has this failure come from? Is it a very simple thing like you were angry at someone and you behaved inappropriately and you need to take a bit of time out as one thing? Or is it more of a systemic issue? Like the communication channels were right in the team or there was a misunderstanding between the group. Maybe you're taking a bit more responsibility as the leader in the team. You haven't set those things up in the right way. So looking at the broader picture is really important.

And then, thirdly, model vulnerability and the learning you are doing. So this is your opportunity to say that, “I messed up, this is what I'm doing about it. This is the action I'm taking in order to rectify that.” And it's also a really great opportunity to model. Role model what it's like to be vulnerable, and it is actually okay to fail so the others see that. Others say, “Oh, it's fine to admit my mistakes. I don't have to like hide that stuff” because we all know big examples of where a lack of safety, a lack of recognition of failure has really caused major. I mean, famously in the UK, there is the Post Office scandal, but you know, the listeners will know many things where people have not admitted failure, and that created these huge systemic things.

Fourthly, take concrete action. So showing people what you're doing. Make up for it and then support team members.

Follow-up. The fifth one there. So if there's any ripple effect that needs checking in with later, then it's really important to show this hasn't been forgotten and you've brushed it aside but that you are checking in with people later about how they're coping with the situation.

Adam Lacey

Great. So rapidly acknowledge, look at the broader picture, model the vulnerability and the fix, take concrete action, and support team members, follow up.

Let's dig into a few of those. Think number one, rapidly acknowledge. Yes. Again, this is coming back to when these things occur. Catch them early and acknowledge them early and don't just, “Oh, I hope no one saw that.” You know, type of view which is not what you want.

Can we dig into a little bit of how we look at the broader picture? You know, I'm quite a fan of, I don't wanna say a post-mortem, but almost a debrief if something has gone wrong with a group of people involved where there's a very open and honest conversation around the things that haven't gone right and those are delivered as facts, is that a good approach to start? Is there any better way?

Ruth Farenga

I think that's a really skilful approach. Whether it is a kind of, you know, bog-standard postmortem, for want of a better word. Or I did now interview a leader who used to pull out the ‘Failure Prosecco.’ So they literally got out the bottle of prosecco when there was a failure in the team.

Be that, you know, because I mean she said it. It's quite often not one individual person's fault like we said it we may be taking more responsibility as the leader of the team, but quite often it is a systemic thing. So Failure Prosecco is one example, but you know, popping prosecco to think about what went wrong, like let's have a chat about this and make light of it really because it’s not to say they aren't, can't be serious issues. But it also, if we make them too serious, it means that people don't wanna talk about them.

Adam Lacey

Yeah, exactly. And I guess the majority of the kind of problems that we're talking about here, or errors in judgment or whatever are not necessarily threatening to people's livelihoods and things like that. I think there are cases where, you know, that stuff is happening and so you do have to take it as seriously. Like I probably wouldn't pop the prosecco open if we were having to make a big round of redundancies or something like that. That's definitely not the moment in taste.

Ruth Farenga

You misread the room.

Adam Lacey

Yeah, yeah, exactly. But what you're talking about, you know, something's gone wrong. We celebrate the fact that we've recognised it's gone wrong and that it's okay for things to go wrong. And the important thing is that we learn from that. And then yeah, that debriefing process is quite an important part. And I guess in some cases it's something, it might be something that you just do yourself, you know, in terms of like, okay, so actually what's not gone right here. And then in others, and in a lot of cases, it's probably something you do with your team.

Great. Let's talk about, actually no, first, I think you've got a story, haven't you, for us to share around this kind of identifying piece. So, a company that had some issues brought someone in to help them and identified a surprising outcome.

Ruth Farenga

Yeah, so this is, and this is in the public domain, I can share this story. He is the founder of Riverford, the fruit and veg box company. His name is Guy Singh-Watson. And he openly admitted to me on the Conscious Leader's podcast interview with him that he'd messed up in his position as founder in the organisation.

And what happened is he thought some of the problems in the management of the organisation were down to those in the middle management positions. So he brought in an external consultant coach to help work through this situation. And what she advised is that they survey the staff to find out what they think. And what they found from those surveys was that people thought those at the top i.e. him and his fellow board members, were idiots. Now, ‘idiot’ was not the word that he used, but I won't repeat that word on this course. But essentially, people viewed him really negatively and they thought he was being abrasive. They thought he was reactive. They thought he was unkind at times. Too direct, too aggressive. So he had this really humble awakening where he essentially realised he had to look inward.

He had some support from a coach to help him do that. But essentially that meant he could kind of come forward and back to the staff and say, “I'm sorry,” essentially. And what he also said that since then, since he went through that process, is that now if he does act abrasively or you know, this kind of old habits come back, he catches them early and he really admits to them and puts his hand up so people know he's still on that journey and he's willing to be open about it.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. One thing I've seen as well, which I quite liked is just being public with your team, with your company, about those shortcomings and say, almost, “I'd like you to call me out if I'm doing it”. And providing you've created the safe environment that we've talked about many times in order to, you know, where people feel confident enough to say, “I think this is, yeah, I think you're reacting in a way that you don't want to do this so yeah, I want to flag that.” Then that's another way in which you can leverage your kind of team or actually empower your team to support you in this as well a little bit.

Ruth Farenga

Yeah, and it's such a fine balance because I think being public and open is really important. Especially if it's something like a behaviour you're working on. But I also think we have to be wary of over-focusing on it. Like, now this probably affects a smaller group of people, but some individuals will be too self-deprecating and will kind of diminish their own ability by saying how much they're working on themselves. So I mentioned to you earlier, we were talking about this backbone and heart thing.

It's like we need enough strength to show people we are still their manager or their leader. That requires enough strength. But heart is about how much we care and how we can be vulnerable, admit mistakes, etc. So holding those two things in balance— backbone and heart is important.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. And making sure that people don't lose confidence in you, as we were saying at the beginning. It is getting that right, isn't it? I think there's an element of people wanting their leaders to admit when things haven't gone right. But actually then have a good solution and a good way forward. Because they don't want to see you wallow.

Ruth Farenga

Can use our peers or mentors, coaches, friends for the, you know, the messy workings, our therapists, you know, for that type of stuff, so that we preserve that from most team members so that we can protect ourselves essentially, and protect that slight distance we need.

Adam Lacey

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I guess that makes me think of the concept of taking responsibility as a leader. I think this one is really important. So when you become a leader, there is an extra pressure that you accept as part of the role. And that pressure is that when things don't go right, the buck does actually stop with you.

Even if it's someone in your team that's messed up catastrophically, yes, you know, there's performance and other things you can do with them, but, actually, that end result is your end result. And I think that's a really important one to note here when we're talking about admitting and learning from mistakes, is that when you step into a leadership position, that is a part of the role that you take on.

Ruth Farenga

Yeah. Your title comes were responsibility. That's the line I really remember from Susan Glenholme. We mentioned it as part of the series before, you know, saying that in the context of people making mistakes that if an employee makes mistakes in her company, which is a law company of about 150 people, they don't get the blame because very rarely is someone trying to mess it up. It's your responsibility as a leader in terms of their training, their communication, to help them succeed.

Adam Lacey

Yeah, exactly. And that's one of the big kind of what we shouldn't do here, red flags. If we're gonna talk about those quickly, which is push it down onto someone. So when the mistakes do happen, pushing that down onto maybe actually the person who was responsible, but that you're missing the point there. The point is that as their manager, as their leader, you are ultimately responsible. And I think that comes with the territory. It's why the more senior of a leader you are, the more you are typically get paid and a big part of that kind of compensation and remuneration is because of the extra liability, pressure and all the rest of it that you are accepting in that position.

Ruth Farenga

Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. And also back to what we were saying is don't brush it under the carpet, but don't overfocus on it either. So that's that kind of middle ground.

Adam Lacey

Yeah, and I think having like a clear message and way forward. And something you said to me I think in our first series really stuck with me, Ruth actually, which was around, you know, don't do the messy work in front of people. It's fine to be vulnerable, but do it when you are out the other side of the complicated bit. So “Yes, I've had a tough time, this has happened.” But then be able to say, “But this is what we're doing about it and this is a solution and this is how we're gonna improve for next time, and this is how we're gonna rally as a team, as an organisation, and this is the next step on that journey for us.”

Don't say, “I've messed up. It's all on me. I'm really sorry. I don’t know what to do.” I think that's definitely a kind of alarm bell for your team, for the people working for you. So yeah, that's where you go to confidants. You go to certain people, you go to mentors, you go to coaches. You know, maybe you've canvassed ideas with people in your team already to say, “Right, what do you think is the best route for this? I think it's this, but actually I need your opinions.” All that is fine. But I think messaging is actually really critical here. Ruth, just take us through those five steps again as a kind of roundup for this lesson.

Ruth Farenga

Firstly, rapid recognition and acknowledgement to really admit what has gone wrong.

Secondly, look at the broader picture. So what's the systemic cause of this? It might be something very specific around you and your reactivity, or it could be a bigger failure around team dynamics and communication channels. So, look at that.

Thirdly, model vulnerability and learning. So this is your opportunity to show how it's okay to fail. Talk about the learning that you've done to help make up for this and take concrete action. Really allow people to see what you're doing to help rectify this situation. And then later support team members and follow up with them to check they're okay, so they understand any new arrangements may be in place so this doesn't happen again.

Adam Lacey

Okay, so five brilliant points to remember. Thank you once again, Ruth. I think this is a brilliant episode on how to admit and learn from your mistakes as a leader. This is part of the Tough Leadership Conversations series. We hope you'll join us in the next episode.

You’re a senior leader, and a recent initiative you championed—an ambitious cross-functional restructure—hasn’t landed well.

Several key people were left out of early discussions, and teams are now struggling with confusion around responsibilities. Morale has dipped. You've started hearing feedback indirectly: people are frustrated by the lack of clarity and feel their voices weren’t considered.

You know you need to own the misstep but you’re also conscious of the need to preserve trust, steady the team, and model what accountability really looks like from the top.

1. How can you admit the mistake in a way that feels grounded, authentic, and reinforces trust in your leadership?
2. How can you strike the right balance between humility and strength, showing vulnerability without creating doubt about your direction or capability?

How to Admit and Learn From Your Mistakes as a Leader

Acknowledge mistakes quickly

The sooner you admit an error, the easier it is to manage and correct.

Understand the bigger picture

Identify whether the mistake is an individual oversight or part of a larger issue within the team or organisation.

Model vulnerability and learning

Show that it is okay to make mistakes and demonstrate the steps you are taking to improve.

Encourage open conversations and continuous learning

Create a safe environment where mistakes can be discussed without fear.

Take concrete action

Outline clear steps to rectify the mistake and ensure it does not happen again.

Follow up and support your team

Check in with those affected to ensure lessons have been learned.

Balance confidence with humility

Be honest about errors but avoid excessive self-criticism to maintain trust and respect.

(download infographic)